Emotional Baggage

I have been thinking about this since I wrote my Soulmates blog the other day.  At my age, everyone has emotional baggage (EB).  I started this blog to remind myself that my whole is not equal to the sum of my parts.  So, my EB just makes up certain parts of me; it does not need to define who I am.

One thing I know I am no longer carrying any EB for is any feelings for my stbx.  That is freeing!  He has made me realize what I want out of a relationship.  Not that I will ever necessarily find Mr. Perfect, but I really thought I was going to give up, thrown in the towel.  Now I don’t think I will.

I think I have been over him for at least eleven years.  I have been over how he treated me and how he treated our son.  I am over how he treated other people.  I want to be someone’s treasure not someone’s trash.  He never supported me physically nor emotionally (or even financially).  That’s what you do when you love someone.  Not because you have to, but because you want to.

Now, do I have a fear of losing people close to me since my first husband died?  Yes, but that just makes me more loving and compassionate and to know not to take life for granted.  Do I shudder when I hear about abuse or when someone is hurt?  Yes, but that makes me more empathetic and caring, kind and gentle.  Do I have a fear of being cheated on again?  Yes, but that makes me more passionate and attentive.

So, EB be damned…I am not broken.  I am strong.  So are you!