Eyes Wide Open

Yesterday is another day that I would like to dismiss as ever existing.

My son had not taken his meds for two consecutive days.  The half life of Zyprexa is 24 to 51 hours (odd range).  I don’t know if that contributed to the following events, but I am sure it didn’t help.  Everything always goes back to the girlfriend though.  She broke up with him yesterday because she said he is a bad long-distance boyfriend.  That is utter crap!  He showers her with gifts bought with money has really doesn’t have.  They are in constant contact.  And I mean 24/7 constant contact.  They even have the phone line open when they are asleep!  They watch movies together online, play video games, talk, snapchat…all f’n day!  (It is ridiculous by the way!)  Anyway, I already wrote about how he wants to move there.  Well, I told him that I cannot move, but I would help him if he wanted to. Well, she told him that he could not move up there by himself because he is just a child and cannot take care of himself.  He told her he could learn (and he should).  She said he couldn’t.  (She is being very mean).  Anyway, long story short, supposedly she broke up with him.  Then, he blamed me because I won’t pack up tomorrow and move my life far away for him so I ruined everything.  He became scarily suicidal.  I was on the phone with the Suicide Hotline for 90 minutes.  They were truly a blessing (for a change).  See, he was not home all day.  He was just out driving around.  He started texting me some dangerous and horrible stuff and they actually helped me with some replies, gave me some sound advice in some instances, and basically listened to me spill my guts.

During that time I stupidly decided that my ex needed to step in (or, step up) and help (Why did I think this?  I will chalk it up to me not thinking very clearly in my panicked state.)  We arranged to meet last night.  I was planning to tell him that his son needed him because he was going through a lot.  And if he wanted to reclaim a relationship with his son that this would be the perfect time to reach out.  Nope…as usual, leopards do NOT change their spots.  He steered the conversation to him every single time.  He was also very preoccupied with his plans he had for after our meeting.  I learned all about how his rent is just too expensive but he bought another new motorcycle and a four-wheeler.  When I tried to explain some of the day’s events with my son, he just said, “Take away his keys.”  So, as usual, he is useless.  I gave up and didn’t even bother asking what I originally intended.  We parted ways after I paid the bill, of course.

Never again.  Eyes are wide open.  The conversation I had with him is just further confirmation that I have been making all of the right decisions for me and my son.

I have the GPS tracker turned on in my son’s car now and I will be alerted every time it leaves and arrives at the house.  Also, I have a case reference number with Onstar for their immediate intervention if ever he is driving and suicidal again.  I have the Suicide Hotline number programmed into my phone.  Now, I just need to get my son’s eyes wide open such that he can see his girlfriend for who she really is.  How?  I don’t know yet.  It seems like an impossible task because he clearly knows that she is wrong (we have talked about it), but he also thinks that there is no one else in this world for him.  Please pray for a better day for us!